a quiver full...

Jen Hatmaker - How to Be The Village

2012-02-27T13:32:00.000-08:00

This wonderful woman says it best, and I could not say it better myself, so here is part of a blog post she wrote about how to support an adoptive family. Please click on the link below for more about her and the whole post. I love how she is blunt and yet sarcastic, making potentially difficult and trying situations much easier to swallow.

Jen Hatmaker - How to Be The Village

Supporting Families Before the Airport

Your friends are adopting. They’re in the middle of dossiers and home studies, and most of them are somewhere in the middle of Waiting Purgatory. Please let me explain something about WP: It sucks in every way. Oh sure, we try to make it sound better than it feels by using phrases like “We’re trusting in God’s plan” and “God is refining me” and “Sovereignty trumps my feelings” and crazy bidness like that. But we are crying and aching and getting angry and going bonkers when you’re not watching. It’s hard. It hurts. It feels like an eternity even though you can see that it is not. It is harder for us to see that, because many of us have pictures on our refrigerators of these beautiful darlings stuck in an orphanage somewhere while we’re bogged down in bureaucracy and delays.

How can you help? By not saying or doing these things:

1. “God’s timing is perfect!” (Could also insert: “This is all God’s plan!” “God is in charge!”) As exactly true as this may be, when you say it to a waiting parent, we want to scratch your eyebrows off and make you eat them with a spoon. Any trite answer that minimizes the struggle is as welcomed as a sack of dirty diapers. You are voicing something we probably already believe while not acknowledging that we are hurting and that somewhere a child is going to bed without a mother again. Please never say this again. Thank you.

2. “Are you going to have your own kids?” (Also in this category: “You’ll probably get pregnant the minute your adoption clears!” “Since this is so hard, why don’t you just try to have your own kids?” “Well, at least you have your own kids.”) The subtle message here is: You can always have legitimate biological kids if this thing tanks. It places adoption in the Back-up Plan Category, where it does not belong for us. When we flew to Ethiopia with our first travel group from our agency, out of 8 couples, we were the only parents with biological kids. The other 7 couples chose adoption first. Several of them were on birth control. Adoption counts as real parenting, and if you believe stuff Jesus said, it might even be closer to the heart of God than regular old procreation. (Not to mention the couples that grieved through infertility already. So when you say, “Are you going to have your own kids?” to a woman who tried for eight years, then don’t be surprised if she pulls your beating heart out like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.)

3. For those of you in Christian community, it is extremely frustrating to hear: “Don’t give up on God!” or “Don’t lose faith!” It implies that we are one nanosecond away from tossing our entire belief system in the compost pile because we are acting sad or discouraged. It’s condescending and misses the crux of our emotions. I can assure you, at no point in our story did we think about kicking Jesus to the curb, but we still get to cry tears and feel our feelings, folks. Jesus did. And I’m pretty sure he went to heaven when he died.

4. We’re happy to field your questions about becoming a transracial family or adopting a child of another race, but please don’t use this moment to trot out your bigotry. (Cluelessness is a different thing, and we try to shrug that off. Like when someone asked about our Ethiopian kids, “Will they be black?” Aw, sweet little dum-dum.) The most hurtful thing we heard during our wait was from a black pastor who said, “Whatever you do, don’t change their last name to Hatmaker, because they are NOT Hatmakers. They’ll never be Hatmakers. They are African.” What the??? I wonder if he’d launch the same grenade if we adopted white kids from Russia? If you’d like to know what we’re learning about raising children of another race or ask respectful, legitimate questions, by all means, do so. We care about this and take it seriously, and we realize we will traverse racial landmines with our family. You don’t need to point out that we are adopting black kids and we are, in fact, white. We’ve actually already thought of that.

5. Saying nothing is the opposite bad. I realize with blogs like this one, you can get skittish on how to talk to a crazed adopting Mama without getting under her paper-thin skin or inadvertently offending her. I get it. (We try hard not to act so hypersensitive. Just imagine that we are paper-pregnant with similar hormones surging through our bodies making us cry at Subaru commercials just like the 7-month preggo sitting next to us. And look at all this weight we’ve gained. See?) But acting like we’re not adopting or struggling or waiting or hoping or grieving is not helpful either. If I was pregnant with a baby in my belly, and no one ever asked how I was feeling or how much longer or is his nursery ready or can we plan a shower, I would have to audition new friend candidates immediately.

Here’s what we would love to hear Before the Airport:

1. Just kind, normal words of encouragement. Not the kind that assume we are one breath away from atheism. Not the kind that attempt to minimize the difficulties and tidy it all up with catchphrases. We don’t actually need for you to fix our wait. We just want you to be our friend and acknowledge that the process is hard and you care about us while we’re hurting. That is GOLD. I was once having lunch with my friend Lynde when AWAA called with more bad news about Ben’s case, and I laid my head down on the table in the middle of Galaxy Café and bawled. Having no idea what to do with such a hot mess, she just cried with me. Thank you for being perfect that day, Lynde.

2. Your questions are welcomed! We don’t mind telling you about the court system in Ethiopia or the in-country requirements in Nicaragua or the rules of the foster system. We’re glad to talk about adoption, and we’re thankful you care. I assure you we didn’t enter adoption lightly, so sharing details of this HUGE PIECE OF OUR LIVES is cathartic. Plus, we want you to know more because we’re all secretly hoping you’ll adopt later. (This is not true.) (Yes it is.)

3. When you say you’re praying for us and our waiting children, and you actually really are, not only does that soothe our troubled souls, but according to Scripture, it activates the heavens. So pray on, dear friends. Pray on. That is always the right thing to say. And please actually do it. We need people to stand in the gap for us when we are too tired and discouraged to keep praying the same words another day.

4. If you can, please become telepathic to determine which days we want to talk about adoption and which days we’d rather you just show up on our doorstep with fresh figs from the Farmer’s Market (thanks, Katie) or kidnap us away in the middle of the day to go see Bridesmaids. Sometimes we need you to make us laugh and remember what it feels like to be carefree for a few hours. If you’re not sure which day we’re having, just pre-buy movie tickets and show up with the figs, and when we answer the door, hold them all up and ask, “Would you like to talk for an hour uninterrupted about waiting for a court date?” We’ll respond to whichever one fits.

Supporting Families After the Airport

You went to the airport. The baby came down the escalator to cheers and balloons. The long adoption journey is over and your friends are home with their new baby / toddler / twins / siblings / teenager. Everyone is happy. Maybe Fox News even came out and filmed the big moment and “your friend” babbled like an idiot and didn’t say one constructive word about adoption and also she looked really sweaty during her interview. (Really? That happened to me too. Weird.)

How can you help? By not saying or doing these things:

1. I mean this nicely, but don’t come over for awhile. Most of us are going to hole up in our homes with our little tribe and attempt to create a stable routine without a lot of moving parts. This is not because we hate you; it’s because we are trying to establish the concept of “home” with our newbies, and lots of strangers coming and going makes them super nervous and unsure, especially strangers who are talking crazy language to them and trying to touch their hair.

2. Please do not touch, hug, kiss, or use physical affection with our kids for a few months. We absolutely know your intentions are good, but attachment is super tricky with abandoned kids, and they have had many caregivers, so when multiple adults (including extended family) continue to touch and hold them in their new environment, they become confused about who to bond with. This actually delays healthy attachment egregiously. It also teaches them that any adult or stranger can touch them without their permission, and believe me, many adoptive families are working HARD to undo the damage already done by this position. Thank you so much for respecting these physical boundaries.

3. For the next few months, do not assume the transition is easy. For 95% of us, it so is not. And this isn’t because our family is dysfunctional or our kids are lemons, but because this phase is so very hard on everyone. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to constantly hear: “You must be so happy!” and “Is life just so awesome now that they’re here??” and “Your family seems just perfect now!” I wanted that to be true so deeply, but I had no idea how to tell you that our home was actually a Trauma Center. (I did this in a passive aggressive way by writing this blog, which was more like “An Open Letter to Everyone Who Knows Us and Keeps Asking Us How Happy We Are.”) Starting with the right posture with your friends – this is hard right now – will totally help you become a safe friend to confide in / break down in front of / draw strength from.

4. Do not act shocked if we tell you how hard the early stages are. Do not assume adoption was a mistake. Do not worry we have ruined our lives. Do not talk behind our backs about how terribly we’re doing and how you’re worried that we are suicidal. Do not ask thinly veiled questions implying that we are obviously doing something very, very wrong. Do not say things like, “I was so afraid it was going to be like this” or “Our other friends didn’t seem to have these issues at all.” Just let us struggle. Be our friends in the mess of it. We’ll get better.

5. If we’ve adopted older kids, please do not ask them if they “love America so much” or are “so happy to live in Texas.” It’s this simple: adoption is born from horrible loss. In an ideal world, there would be no adoption, because our children would be with their birth families, the way God intended. I’ll not win any points here, but I bristle when people say, “Our adopted child was chosen for us by God before the beginning of time.” No he wasn’t. He was destined for his birth family. God did not create these kids to belong to us. He didn’t decide that they should be born into poverty or disease or abandonment or abuse and despair aaaaaaaall so they could finally make it into our homes, where God intended them to be. No. We are a very distant Plan B. Children are meant for their birth families, same as my biological kids were meant for mine. Adoption is one possible answer to a very real tragedy… after it has already happened, not before as the impetus for abandonment. There is genuine grief and sorrow when your biological family is disrupted by death and poverty, and our kids have endured all this and more. So when you ask my 8-year-old if he is thrilled to be in Texas, please understand that he is not. He misses his country, his language, his food, his family. Our kids came to us in the throes of grief, as well they should. Please don’t make them smile and lie to you about how happy they are to be here.

6. Please do not disappear. If I thought the waiting stage was hard, it does not even hold the barest candle to what comes after the airport. Not. The. Barest. Candle. Never have I felt so isolated and petrified. Never have I been so overwhelmed and exhausted. We need you after the airport way more than we ever needed you before. I know you’re scared of us, what with our dirty hair and wild eyes and mystery children we’re keeping behind closed doors so they don’t freak out more than they already have, but please find ways to stick around. Call. Email. Check in. Post on our Facebook walls. Send us funny cards. Keep this behavior up for longer than six days.

Here’s what we would love to hear or experience After the Airport:

1. Cook for your friends. Put together a meal calendar and recruit every person who even remotely cares about them. We didn’t cook dinners for one solid month, and folks, that may have single handedly saved my sanity. There simply are not words to describe how exhausting and overwhelming those first few weeks are, not to mention the lovely jetlag everyone came home with. And if your friends adopted domestically right up the street, this is all still true, minus the jetlag.

2. If we have them, offer to take our biological kids for an adventure or sleepover. Please believe me: their lives just got WHACKED OUT, and they need a break, but their parents can’t give them one because they are 1.) cleaning up pee and poop all day, 2.) holding screaming children, 3.) spending all their time at doctors’ offices, and 4.) falling asleep in their clothes at 8:15pm. Plus, they are in lockdown mode with the recently adopted, trying to shield them from the trauma that is Walmart.

3. Thank you for getting excited with us over our little victories. I realize it sounds like a very small deal when we tell you our kindergartener is now staying in the same room as the dog, but if you could’ve seen the epic level of freakoutedness this dog caused her for three weeks, you would understand that this is really something. When you encourage us over our incremental progress, it helps. You remind us that we ARE moving forward and these little moments are worth celebrating. If we come to you spazzing out, please remind us where we were a month ago. Force us to acknowledge their gains. Be a cheerleader for the healing process.

4. Come over one night after our kids are asleep and sit with us on our porch. Let me tell you: we are all lonely in those early weeks. We are home, home, home, home, home. Good-bye, date nights. Good-bye, GNO’s. Good-bye, spontaneous anything. Good-bye, church. Good-bye, big public outings. Good-bye, community group. Good-bye, nightlife. So please bring some community to our doorstep. Bring friendship back into our lives. Bring adult conversation and laughter. And bring an expensive bottle of wine.

5. If the shoe fits, tell adopting families how their story is affecting yours. If God has moved in you over the course of our adoption, whether before the airport or after, if you’ve made a change or a decision, if somewhere deep inside a fire was lit, tell us, because it is spiritual water on dry souls. There is nothing more encouraging than finding out God is using our families for greater kingdom work, beautiful things we would never know or see. We gather the holy moments in our hands every day, praying for eyes to see God’s presence, his purposes realized in our story. When you put more holy moments in our hands to meditate on, we are drawn deeper into the Jesus who led us here.

Here’s one last thing: As you watch us struggle and celebrate and cry and flail, we also want you to know that adoption is beautiful, and a thousand times we’ve looked at each other and said, “What if we would’ve said no?” God invited us into something monumental and lovely, and we would’ve missed endless moments of glory had we walked away. We need you during these difficult months of waiting and transitioning, but we also hope you see that we serve a faithful God who heals and actually sets the lonely in families, just like He said He would. And even through the tears and tantrums (ours), we look at our children and marvel that God counted us worthy to raise them. We are humbled. We’ve been gifted with a very holy task, and when you help us rise to the occasion, you have an inheritance in their story; your name will be counted in their legacy.

Because that day you brought us pulled pork tacos was the exact day I needed to skip dinner prep and hold my son on the couch for an hour, talking about Africa and beginning to bind up his emotional wounds. When you kidnapped me for two hours and took me to breakfast, I was at the very, very, absolute end that morning, but I came home renewed, able to greet my children after school with fresh love and patience. When you loved on my big kids and offered them sanctuary for a night, you kept the family rhythm in sync at the end of a hard week.

Thank you for being the village. You are so important.

~ Jen Hatmaker Jen Hatmaker - How to Be The Village

The United States and UNICEF wage war against international adoptions

2012-02-21T12:33:00.000-08:00

Here is more info and a glimpse into what we are dealing with right now.....

The United States and UNICEF wage war against international adoptions

Adoption: A Long and Winding Journey

2012-02-09T17:47:00.000-08:00

I know I have not written much, well anything, lately.... Mostly because I have been so busy with OrphanCorps and just life in general. I have been spending a lot of time working on my personal interest in pursuing an education in nutrition and fitness as well as slowly working away at cleaning and organizing the home from the top down, since I know I will have little time for these when the littles come:) Recently much has been posted, written, and discuss about the updates and changes happening in Ethiopia and around the world in regards to adoption. Here is a quick little read about some of the goings on and reasoning for the huge slow down in Ethiopia.... I could not say this much better myself so I will save time by sharing a few blogs that others have written and spare you having to read more from me:) Thank you for all your prayers during this long journey, they are much coveted and appreciated.

Her.meneutics: Adoption: A Long and Winding Journey

Adoption: A Long and Winding Journey

Like our adoption into God's family, earthly adoption can be complex and costly.

Rachel Stone

A few years ago, after much research, discussion, and prayer, my husband and I sent in the preliminary applications for adopting from Ethiopia. The staff at the agency, Better Future Adoption Services (BFAS) in Minnesota, was courteous, and the fact that it was founded and directed by an Ethiopian Christian woman, Agitu Wodajo, seemed encouraging. We were nervous filling out the financial paperwork—we certainly weren’t going to be any orphan’s Daddy Warbucks—but we felt that material wealth was a less-important factor in deciding who will and will not parent well. (Recently, in researching for other writing, I discovered that less-affluent parents are actually more likely to spend more time sharing meals with their children than are wealthier parents.)

But BFAS didn’t feel the same way. We had been students the year before we applied, so our tax returns showed us to be below poverty level, and that was apparently grounds enough for delaying our application another year at least. Add to that our upcoming inter-country move (from Germany back to the United States), and BFAS decided that we’d better not start our dossier with them just yet. Too bad, because adoptive parents can wait up to two years after completing their dossier to welcome their adopted child home.

Yet getting rejected turned out to be a very good thing. It wasn’t too long before the Department of State warned that Ethiopia’s Charities and Services Agency had revoked BFAS’s license to operate in Ethiopia due to alleged “license misuse.” That’s the nice way of putting it. The less-sanitized words used in the letter from the Charities and Services agency were “child trafficking”—including falsifying documents to make children look like they were abandoned who, in fact, still had biological parents. (Under Ethiopian law, it’s illegal for a child with living parents to be adopted.) We were stunned and grateful that we hadn’t signed with the organization, as the State Department was urging parents with dossiers in progress to “seek legal aid.”

News like this has made many Westerners wary of international adoption. A few months ago, a Nation article unflatteringly described the resurgence of interest in adoptions among evangelicals as a “crusade,” inspired in large part by Russell Moore’s popular book Adopted for Life. In the article, Kathryn Joyce positions Christian adoption enthusiasts as blustering, blundering consumers who could care less about the ethical dilemmas surrounding international adoption. Yes, I’m slightly uncomfortable when Moore says that adopted kids “don’t know the flags of their home countries” but “know ‘Jesus Loves Me, ” but I’m willing to take that statement along with careful and ethically reasoned perspectives Moore and other evangelicals offer. Jedd Medefind’s response in Christianity Today was, I thought, a gracious one: Learn from the criticism. The ethical dilemmas surrounding adoption—and inter-country adoption especially—can’t be avoided by loving Jesus, loving kids, and hoping for the best. But, as Medefind, writes:

“we dare not turn from sacrifice and hard decisions and return to comfortable homes and lives simply because the cost and complexity are too great.”

Many children the world over have no parents and no one to take them in. They are vulnerable to trafficking and abuse and sex slavery and all kinds of other unspeakable horrors. In some countries, cerebral palsy, fetal alcohol syndrome, and Down syndrome render children effectively orphaned to institutions woefully ill-equipped to handle their needs. Should people and nonprofits from wealthier nations help less-developed countries build the infrastructure and institutions to care for their own children? Absolutely! But meanwhile, children are growing up without parents. From time to time, I check the Reece’s Rainbow Adoption ministry page, a service that exists to pair children with disabilities with parents. I pray and cry for these children whose windows for early intervention close a little each day.

If there’s one thing I could point to in myself and my adoption hopes that seems flawed and likely to contribute to corruption within the system, it’s this: Like most people, even evangelicals, I’d love to adopt a newborn. A healthy newborn. But the fact is, children fitting that description are a small percentage of the millions of orphans worldwide. Adopting an older child, and/or one with disabilities, seems different from adopting a “perfect” newborn. But you know what? If you read adoption literature widely and deeply, you’ll see that there is no single path to a “perfect” adoptive family. (And is there one path to any kind of “perfection” in any kind of family?) Even the healthy newborn adopted on day two can end up having serious attachment problems. The older child with a disability can become the joy of a couple’s life.

Yes, adoption is expensive (easily close to $30,000, depending on the route one takes), ethically confusing, frustrating, and occasionally heartbreaking. Our adoption by God through Christ wasn’t cheap, either, and we who would adopt shouldn’t give up because it’s hard. Rather, we should wisely discern what’s truly best for all involved—even if it means opening ourselves to the potential for greater hurt.

Because who knows? It may yet be the avenue for greater joy.

2011-09-28T12:01:00.000-07:00

Not much on our personal home front for adoption news. We are still waiting, waiting to find out who these little people are and to bring them home. Sometimes the wait is hard, but if I'm being honest, most of the time it still seems so unreal and life has a way of just keeping on going. Although I know this is all for a reason because we have been so busy with the ministry that God has entrusted to us. God has so faithful been growing and expanding the Orphan Corp ministry, so many opportunities have arisen to share the Theology of adoption and provide education for families who have obediently taken up this cross for the the King. I think the hardest part for me is knowing that I am more than likely missing out, right now, on my precious babies lives.... there are going to be moments, days, months, or even years that I will never be able to experience with them. Moments in my child's life, like first laugh, first words, first steps.....And yet this reminds me of how God must feel toward us... those moments,days, months, and years before we trusted in Him and were safely in His family. What a testament the adoption story is to the grace and glory of God. As Christians our lives are a daily reminder of what adoption truly means.... We are orphans no longer. We are saved, brought into the family of Christ. We have a legacy, a family, a future, a Hope. Because we have been given these things freely, it is our great privilege to share this Love with others, to care for the orphan, to bring these children into loving families, to share the love of Jesus with these precious littles, so that the Kingdom of God may be multiplied!

Fundraising for Vinnie: Vinnie - Last Days

2011-09-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

Fundraising for Vinnie: Vinnie - Last Days: It's the last seven days of Vinnie's fundraiser! We have $715 left to reach our goal... $285 already raised!

Check out this blog and what one family is doing to help a little boy find his forever family and a lifetime of love. This little boy will be moved to a mental institution or die because of lack of care if he does not find a loving family soon. They only need $1000! If we all gave just a little, we could reach this goal so fast. Donate and be a part of this little boys life and happiness forever! It only takes a few seconds and a few dollars from you, you might even win a great prize!

EVENING OF ADOPTION AWARENESS

2011-08-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

Our good friends the McKenney's are adopting from the Democratic Republic of Congo and we are helping them put on a fundraiser to bring their sweet babies home! Please consider joining us for this evening of awareness and funding! You wont want to miss it!

There will be testimonies of adoptive families, a presentation of the theology of adoption, and a quick overview of what the ministry of Orphan Corps is doing and how they are helping families like the McKenneys adopt!

WE ARE A WAITING FAMILY!!!!

2011-07-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

After 14 months of paper work, we are now officially a Waiting Family! We just got word that we are #52 on the waiting list, although this is great news and a good place to start, we are hoping to move up the list quickly. The waiting time could be anywhere from now up to a year and a half or two. We are not sure what the time frame will be, but are SO excited to just finally be on the list and waiting to get placed with our sweet littles! We will continue to keep you posted as we move up the list!

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support through this first stage! we are so thankful for each and every one of you!

DOSSIER!!!

2011-07-04T21:02:00.000-07:00

Things have been speeding up around here!!!! We finished getting all the dossier papers notarized this last week and sent it all in! I just received word that everything was prepared properly and it is being sent on to Washington DC!!!! We should be on the waiting list for our littles in just a couple weeks! 14 months of preparation have gone into all that and we are SO excited to be getting a little closer!

God definitely has a sense of humor! He is continually teaching me patents and furthering my sanctification thru this adoption process. Last Tuesday I had all my Dossier papers compiled and had a trip to Salem planned to get the State Certification on all my documents, since it was faster to take it down myself instead of mailing it. My mom went along with me to take pictures and be a support! (Thank you mom!). I am SO glad she was there, because...... We arrived in Salem and I nervously walked into the Secretary of States office, where the documents were to be certified... I had check and rechecked all documents and was pretty confident that it was all right and there. The sweet lady at the front desk started thumbing through my papers to make sure it was all there...... She pulled out my marriage licence and told me that I had to have a "state" notarized copy, not a "County" notarized copy... It was all I could do to hold back the tears..... I wanted to hit something and scream.... I felt like someone had just punched me in the stomach. I had to walk out of the room to gain my composure:) As my mom jumped right in to figure out what we had to do.... Well, it was back to Portland to get a "State" notarized copy of our marriage license..... SO back we went, my mom even changed her plans to do this with me, since it was turing into and all day trip!! More directions, more parking meters, another state building, a few more dollars, and 2 hours later we were back on the road to Salem again!!! Secretary of State's office, try number 2: All paperwork correct, more money to pay, and and hour to burn while waiting! Definitely a happy prospect at this point:)

I even got to see my friend Mary, who happens to work in the same building that I was at! The documents were certified and off we went to find a Fedex, since now we wouldnt make it home before the daily mail went out:).... more directions, driving around, finding parking, making copies of the paperwork, and preparing this long awaited for bundle of papers! We got it sent off with 30min to spare! And..... since we got the word its all good and on to DC... we should soon hear that we are on the list and then.... we wait... wait for a call.... "The Call" :)

As summer steps into full gear, vacations at work increase and so our overtime shifts begin... lots of work to be done in these parts to prepare for our trip to Africa!!!! which will hopefully be sooner than later!

2011-06-23T00:09:00.000-07:00

We are back from vacation now and we hit the ground running... well, I feel as if I am still trying to get my feet under me, so I think its more like tumbling, but we still seem to always make it through somehow. Praise the Lord:)

The garage sale was a HUGE success! Thank you to everyone who participated in any way! We are so very blessed! Because of your help and generosity, and God's providence, we were able to make $3000!!! This will hopefully be enough to pay for the plane trip back home for our "Littles"!!!

THANK YOU!

I was hoping to have all our adoption paperwork totally finished before we left to Hawaii two weeks ago, but... well, you know the answer.... you guessed it!.... more hoops!!! Tomorrow I will attempt to have the last few papers notarized for the 3RD! time.... hopefully the 3rd time's a charm:) and I plan to drive the papers to Salem myself next week.... just to expedite the process!!! Hoping to have it all in by the end of this month!!!!..... Nothing like cutting it close...LOL!

The OCEAN conference is this weekend. This will be the first time Orphan Corps has had a booth and publicly advertised at a conference. A bit nervous, but mostly really excited about the opportunity and the possible connections we will make.

Preparing for the Adoption Awareness event this October with Christian Family Adoptions! This should be GOOD! Keep tuned for more info... I will also be updating FB and Twitter with info.

Garage Sale!

2011-05-25T15:33:00.000-07:00

We are holding a garage sale next week, June 3rd & 4th. All proceeds will go to bringing our sweet babies home to us! Please pray for continued donations and that the sale will be well attended and we can raise a significant amount of $$. Most of all though, that we can share with others the miracle of adoption!!!

If you have anything to donate, please let me know and I can make arrangements to get the items.

Christian Alliance for Orphans - Summit VII

2011-05-17T08:26:00.000-07:00

There wasn't really any time to blog during the conference last week, but hopefully some of you were able to follow my FB posts and Tweets. This conference was such a mountain top experience in so many ways. Being surrounded by 2000 other people from around the nation, who have a heart for the plight of the orphans, was incredible. I feel honored and privileged to be in the presence of some of these men and women!

I am so encouraged by this last week! I came away from the conference with so many resources and a game plan for Orphan Corps in the next year. Stay tuned for more info on Orphan Corps as we roll out our new website! You can also friend us on FB & Twitter.

Check these out!

www.christianalliancefororphans.org

www.togetherforadoption.org

www.orphansunday.org

www.empoweredtoconnect.org

Adoptive Mom's Retreat

2011-04-18T16:57:00.000-07:00

Adoptive Mom's retreat!

Friday, May 20 at 4:00pm - May 22 at 1:00pm

Cost is only $65 per person! All meals and lodging included! Scholarships can be applied for!

If you are an adoptive mom, foster mom, or a pre-adoptive mom please join us for a weekend of learning and encouragement from other ladies. We will be going through the Connected Child information and better learning how to parent children from hard places! This is invaluable information and I hope you can join us!

details & contact info

Hoops

2011-03-20T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm becoming very proficient at jumping through "hoops"... I am quickly learning that the adoption process has a steep learning curve for this. This las week we finally received our much awaited I-771 paper work from the Department of Homeland Security... we have a case number and it has been sent to the US Embassy in Ethiopia! This has been no small task, and for us a huge milestone, but confusion, attention, $$, and time have been poured into this small piece of paper.....but we are not done yet...

There are a handful of papers that we are required to have notarized.... well we are finding out that many businesses don't have a notary and now we are on the hunt for a local mobile notary who will actually answer our phone calls and meet us for a decent price at the appropriate locations to notarize the officials who have to sign these documents...(actually the decent price would be nice, but at this point I'll pay anything) :/.... Just more hoops to jump through

I have made a lot of assumptions during this process.... and many have turned out to be wrong... again I assumed that the state of Oregon would save an official fingerprint copy for their files.... NOPE..... we are off this next week to get our fingerprints done for... hmmm, I think for the 4th or 5th time now... just so we can get ANOTHER letter stating we are not criminals:)

Then on to the newborn parenting class that is required of us.... yes, 5 hrs!!! I have to say, I've have had a really bad attitude about this one... $50 and 5hrs+ later, I will apparently know how to take care of a newborn.... The fact that I am a certified foster care parent and have nannied countless children doesn't count...:( And we might not even be getting a newborn. LOL! More hoops!:)

Every day is filled with phone calls, re-reading the "directions" to make sure I am going through this process correctly, balancing the "adoption budget", filling out papers, and most importantly praying for our sweet babies!

I am learning patience :D.... not always successful, but may God be glorified even in my weakness!

Connecting and Correcting - Principles of parenting children from hard places

2011-03-05T16:57:00.000-08:00

This is a great session from Michael and Amy Monroe! They have a fabulous ministry called Tapestry at their church in Texas. The info shared here is a must for families of adopted children and those around them.

2011-03-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

Practical Help for Families in Crisis from Tapestry on Vimeo.

2011-02-21T16:36:00.000-08:00

In sub-Saharan Africa, 1 out of every 8 children is an orphan. Of the 143 million orphans worldwide, more live in Ethiopia than any other country in the world. Just twice the size of Texas, it is home to five million orphaned children.

Check this out! Here is a way to promote adoptions inside the church in Ethiopia!

http://www.togetherforadoption.org/?p=9935

2011-02-17T15:34:00.000-08:00

Well, its official.... I'm terrible at blogging:) I know I have not written about our personal adoption lately, mostly because it has just been more tedious tasks of filling out paperwork, having others fill out paper work and then getting all those papers notarized. But yesterday we had done what the Federal Government calls Biometrics. Just a fancy word for fingerprints... So we got off work early and drove all the way to Portland in the morning rush hour. Our appointment was at 8am, not because I scheduled it that way, but because they just send you a random date and time when you have to show up. They being the Department of Homeland Security. If that time does not work, you have to send them back the paper work via snail mail and wait for them to send you another random date and time. Needless to say we decided to just make yesterday morning work:) We have now had our finger prints taken a million times!!!! lol!

So we just wait.... wait for them to send us the results in the mail. The results will then get added to the continually growing stack of paper called our Dossier.

A few weeks back I finally got the letters from our local police department only to find out that they did not have the correct wording on them. Then I was told that we are now required to get a letter from the State Police, cant just be your local police anymore. SO starting over on that process and off to the State Police department I go!

All the while I keep seeing those cute little black faces in my mind.... although they don't really have faces to us yet, but I know they are there and this is so worth every obstacle we must cross over.

I have been reminded lately how central to the Gospel adoption really is. How as a human Joseph (as in Mary&Joseph) adopted Jesus to be his son here on earth.... he made that choice to willingly take that 'child' as his own. How we are adopted into the body of Christ and our identity is no longer found in the world and our past, but our lives are about Christ and how we belong in His family.... We are no long outsiders! Praise Jesus!

The more we pursue this adoption and start planning the next ones, the more humbles I become at the knowledge of what a great task this is and yet how honored I am to have the chance to walk this road.

(yes, you heard me right, we are already preparing our minds to adopt again!! :))

That's all for now, but I have told myself that if I just post short posts maybe I will have more to post more often:) we'll see how that goes, but my intentions are good:)

2011-02-05T21:40:00.000-08:00

This a video of Russell D. Moore talking about why he wrote Adopted for life. The audio book is a free download this month on christianaudio.com.

2011-01-27T10:23:00.000-08:00

The Empowered To Connect Conference, sponsored by Show Hope, is a two-day conference for adoptive and foster parents, ministry leaders and professionals designed to help them better understand how to connect with children from hard places in order to help them heal and become all that God desires for them to be.

Led by Dr. Karyn Purvis (Director of the TCU Institute of Child Development) together with Michael & Amy Monroe(Leaders of Tapestry Adoption & Foster Care Ministry), this conference is ideal for adoptive and foster parents, those considering adoption or foster care and those who are serving and supporting others, including social workers, agency professionals, church staff and ministry leaders, counselors, therapists and others involved in adoption and foster care ministries or services.

Conference sessions will be held from 9am-5pm on both days. Light refreshments will be provided during breaks throughout the event, with "on your own" lunch breaks scheduled from 12-1:30pm. All participants are highly encouraged to attend sessions on both days. Professionals may be eligible to receive CEU credit for their participation. See the CEU section for more information.

http://www.showhope.org/AdoptionAid/PrePostAdoption.aspx

Our Ministry is Launching!!!! And we need YOUR help!

2011-01-14T20:16:00.000-08:00

There are over 160 million orphans around the world. Waiting..... Waiting for forever homes. Even here in our own neighborhoods there are thousands. Oregon's Department of Human Services reports on “any given day, 8,755 Oregon children are in foster care.”, this is just Oregon alone. We are eager to announce the starting of our non-profit organization: OrphanCorps. The organization OrphanCorps exists to equip and support the community of adoption. We will be pursuing the adoption of the children in 3 different ways (1) Calling churches to partner with us in supporting these adoptions and encouraging Christians to live out "true and undefiled religion" as stated in James 1:27 , (2) we will be pursuing educational resources for adoptive families and those families supporting them. (3 ) We will be pursuingthe funding of these adoptions through churches, individuals, and businesses. Our focus currently is primarily on the state of Oregon since this is where our founding members live. We have the vision and passion to see OrphanCorps go global. Right now we are working on print materials for presentations to show at churches and other events. Our first presentation is next week. Working with a graphic designer, we have decided on a gallery idea. Faces make you stop and look. Faces make you wonder.

WHAT WE NEED FROM YOU...

We need pictures of 50 different children's faces (all colors, ages 5ish-15ish) that we can print large or small accompanied with parent/guardian model releases so that we can use them freely. We are willing to give a photographer's credit under each picture that is used. If you have any that you are willing to donate, please email them to steph@orphancorps.org. If you need a release form, we can send you one!

You can also email me at kelsey@orphancorps.org if you have any questions.

Thank you for joining us in this mission! Stay tuned for updates on OrphanCorps.

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. James 1:27

God places the lonely in families. Psalms 68:5-6

Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows. Isaiah 1:17

Isaiah Story

2010-12-02T09:13:00.000-08:00

Oregon Heart Gallery

2010-11-30T16:01:00.000-08:00

The Heart Gallery of Oregon is a grassroots, non-profit formed in 2006 and supported by volunteers throughout the state. Oregon Heart Gallery's mission is to bring knowledge about our foster system and its kids as well as to inspire people to open their hearts and provide permanent, loving homes for these children. Professionally done photos are displayed of these waiting children to raise awareness of their situation. There are many Heart Gallery exhibits around the state, in churches, malls, and other public places. For those of you who are local, there is a large group of these photos at Clackamas Town Center this Christmas season.

You can request to have a few of these children's pictures to place in your church to raise awareness and pray for these children.

NOVEMBERS FEATURED CHILDREN ~ Jordan & Tate

Please keep these children in your prayers!

For other children and more info go to www.oregonheartgallery.org

(watch for more info and other featured children)

All the small things add up....

2010-11-10T09:01:00.000-08:00

Finished writing our "Letter of Introduction" to the Ethiopian government today. This is where we have to state why we want to adopt from Ethiopia and how we will raise our children. As much work as this is... I wish anyone who had a child needed to do these things, it really makes you think about the hows and whys of child rearing and family life. Next steps are to get official marriage license, birth certificates, more photos of us and our home, letter from the local police, and more medical letters from the doc. Working on photos today and then tomorrow will entail running around the city to get the marriage license and birth certificates, maybe if I'm lucky and things go smoothly I can also get the needed letter from the police dept stating we are not criminals, dr's letter stating we are medically fit to raise children, and photos developed:) lol!

Ministry update

2010-11-05T20:49:00.000-07:00

We had the opportunity to meet with a few other couples last night to talk and pray about bringing churches together to care for orphans... to fulfill James 1:27. (Thanks to all of you who came and took time out of your day to brainstorm and pray about how we can best serve these children). We have great enthusiasm from people at our church and are excited to share the opportunity of adoption with others. We are working on a couple different things: fully funding adoptions for Christian families, pre-adoption counseling/awareness, post-adoption support. We will be continuing to brainstorm, plan, and pray about how this organization is going to look. So, stay posted:)

2010-11-01T20:25:00.000-07:00

So the home study meetings are all done! Our wonderful social worker Cathy is finishing up writing it all and soon it will be added to the stack of papers that is slowly growing for our dossier! Now on to finishing the 12 hours of web class training, and working on getting original copies of birth and marriage certificates:)

You Can Help Us Bring Them Home!!!!

2010-10-24T22:10:00.000-07:00

Please read the info about 147millionorphans.com, at the top right of my page. This is an amazing organization started by two moms who have done multiple adoptions themselves. They wanted to be able to help feed the orphans in Uganda and at the same time help adoptive families financially with their personal adoptions. Here are some of the things the money from purchases helps...

~ Helping FEED children in Uganda and Haiti with each product purchased (40%+)

~ Helping families adopt HIV+/Aids children along with building “Almost Homes” community in Ethiopia with Project Hopeful

~ Offering Adoptive Families wholesale products to sell (100% profit from fundraising for families)

~ Helping Local African Refugees earn a sustainable income from handmade products

~ Working with Ugandan women in Africa on sustainable income from their handmade necklaces

~ Encouraging other adoptive families on their journey

~ Partnering with churches to help grow their Orphan/Adoption Ministry

~ Speaking Up For Those Who Do Not Have a Voice

Click on my links for the "apparel" & "other stuff". Please take the time to look at the website and see if you can help support our adoption and bring our children home!
www.147millionorphans.com

THANK YOU SO MUCH!

Home Study meeting #1.... check!!!

2010-10-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

So, we had our first home study meeting on Monday. It went well and we have lots more things to start working on:) Our Dossier paperwork arrived in the Mail and we must again begin even more paperwork!!!! ;) So, I do find it a bit ironic that we don't have a fire extinguisher in our home..... one of the requirements of our home study.... so off to home depot I go!! lol!

So, I have been really amazed at God's grace and goodness in this whole process. Just a week ago we were still trying to decide what International Agency to go with. We had been accepted through Children's Hope International, but due to a few minor details we were not sure if that was the route we were supposed to take (nothing to do with them, they have been wonderful!) We were just not feeling a strong confirmation that this was the agency we were to use. After a lot of prayer and discussion we decided last Thursday, while at the conference, to go ahead and use them as our International agency and I called right away to get the process started. I was still feeling a be anxious about the decision, but the NEXT morning, while walking through the exhibits and booths at the conference we noticed that Children's Hope International had a booth.... (we had no idea they were going to be there or even knew of this conference)....long story, short.... we were able to meet the gal who will be our social worker for our adoption!!! of all the people who were there... she was the one helping us:) This is an agency that is based out of St. Louis, Missouri so we would normally never meet our social worker... only phone and email conversations.... I have taken this as a confirmation from the Lord that we are in the right place:)

Here is what I wrote the first day we were in TX for the conference, but I didn't have internet connection, so I am finally catching up on my posts......

2010-10-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

Today has been a bit overwhelming... in a good way though. We are in Texas for the Together For Adoption conference and have learned so much in just the first day! We are just trying to process all the information and prepare for the rest of the weekend. These ministries Empowered to Connect and Together for Adoption are amazing organizations who are changing the world one child (and family) at a time. We are feeling truly blessed to have the chance to attend this conference, although the weight of what we are learning is barely beginning to set in:) I feel like I am going to burst with information and yet it is all such great knowledge that I just want more... well, we do have two more days to go:)

On a more personal note.... we found out today that our home study paperwork was accepted and we have been scheduled to start our home study next week!!! Also our application for the international agency was accepted and the process for our dossier is starting!!!! Praise the Lord! He is ever faithful! Thank you to all of you who have faithfully prayed for us though these first stages. The process is just beginning though, so please continue to keep us in your prayers as this journey will last a lifetime! May our Saviour Jesus Christ be glorified through it all!

I just want to share a little bit about the ministry Empowered to Connect. They were our speakers during the sessions today and both Ted and I were blessed and encouraged by what they are doing and sharing with others. This ministry, which is a branch of "Tapestry" a non-profit church ministry out of a church in Texas, teaches adoptive parents to better understand the challenges and needs of "children from hard places". Their goal is to empower you to become a healer for your child, and rediscover the joy of parenting. To help you empower your child to fulfill all that God has called them to be and do.

www.empoweredtoconnect.org

2010-09-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

We sent off our home study packet yesterday. I know, I know.... it was sunday, but we just wanted it to be in the mail:) Hope to hear good news about starting our Home Study soon!!!! I feel like I put so much time and energy in to this little stack of papers, ok well.... not so little. lol! But little in view of the big picture. I felt somehow attached to that package.... silly, but it even made me nervous dropping it in the mail.

A couple weeks ago we were not sure where the money was going to come from to pay for this part of the process....(there is a substantial fee to pay along with turning in the home study packet). I was feeling a bit discouraged about it all and I started praying about where that specific $$ was going to come from. I didn't want to assume that there was going to be money showing up from no where just for us to pay this, but I couldn't help thinking about all the amazing stories of others who have adopted and how checks just showed up for the exact amount or other crazy wonderful things like that.... God was going to have to provide, because I had no idea how we were going to do this on our own (of course we couldn't:)). Well, of course.... He did! The next week, we received 2 checks for insurance refunds that I was not expecting!! This amount gave us enough to pay for our home study! Praise God! So.... that's my "amazing" story and I'm sure there will be more to come;)

2010-09-14T13:51:00.000-07:00

Yay! We sent off our application to the international agency, Children's Hope International, today! Just waiting on the funds for our initial homestudy fee and then our homestudy packet will be sent to our agency here in Portland. A bit cheesy I admit, but these "mailing" pics are kinda like our "ultrasound pics":) lol! So in an attempt to keep this process documented, I'm sure you will be seeing more and more of my "attempts" at documenting:) Can't wait until we have much cuter and younger faces to take pics of!!

2010-09-09T22:29:00.000-07:00

Please join us for Christian Family Adoptions annual Benefit evening!

October 29th from 7p-9p.

Christian Family Adoptions

Can one person really make a difference in the world? We all have the power to make a difference for one person.

Music . Multi-media Presentations . Dessert Reception

CHILDREN WELCOME! Special Program for ages 3 - 10

Speaker: Doug Sauder

President of 4KIDS of South Florida

and Author of “The One Factor”

Please Let me know if you are interested in attending!

Publish Post

2010-07-20T14:18:00.000-07:00

Still wading through paper work. Vacations and works schedules have slowed us down a bit, but I feel like I got a second wind lately and I am determined to push on with diligence. As I have been praying and slowly going though paper work, the Lord has impressed on my heart that this is not a situation to slack off on. This paper work is not just paperwork, it's a child's life! It has been so easy for me to be discouraged at the amount of time it takes to complete the papers, not hard, just very time consuming. I have slowed down due to life circumstances that have not been just as I would have hoped them to be, but why....?.... This is a child's life!!! I know that my children are out there.... somewhere they are waiting for me:) I can see them in my mind and my heart.... although they have no faces, I know they are mine! They belong in our family!
Please keep us in your prayers! We are so excited to have our children forever in our home, but the road ahead is long.

We need a name

2010-06-03T18:34:00.000-07:00

Well, things are moving ahead slowly with our personal adoption, just wading through paperwork right now.
But new possibilities are happening for a ministry opportunity! I have shared before that we are trying to start an organization that will fully fund adoptions for Christian families and this idea is taking shape!!! We have had some amazing doors open recently and look forward to seeing what God will do! We will keep you all updated, but in the mean time..... we are looking for a good name for this ministry! We would like this name to clearly state that this is a Christian ministry serving the worlds orphans.
Any ideas!?!?!!? We need all the ideas we can get!

We would appreciate prayer for this journey as well, we know that there will be times that are hard and not as exciting as it is right now, but we know that the Lord has given us a passion and we have a responsibility to act. Thank you for your prayers!

2010-05-11T10:49:00.000-07:00

For a few years now, both Ted and I have felt lead to try and start a ministry that would touch many more lives then just those that we could adopt into our own family. We have also felt that adopting a child should not cost thousands of dollars. Unfortunately adoption is really just big business to many. There are so many millions of children who just need a loving home, and we put a price tag on it...???? There is something very wrong with that. As Christians, we are called to care for the orphaned and needy. Where is the church and the body of Christ? We have dropped the ball on this one.... I know there are many churches out there who are supporting adoption, but not enough.... We need to step up and take a active roll in placing these children in Christian homes. Are we opening our homes? Are we supporting families who are able to adopt? Are we making it real? Because of the world we live in and the politics surrounding adoptions, I doubt they will ever come to the point where they are affordable and truly have the only goal of placing a child in a loving home. This is where the Body of Christ must now step up.... we need to fund these adoptions, so that there in not a price tag associated with these children.

This last weekend we were able to attend a banquet for Antioch Adoptions, up in Seattle. This organization is the only organization in this area who pays in full for families to adopt. They are the entire agency and they do it for free. The costs are supported by local churches, families, and businesses.... They are truly making a difference! We were so blessed to attend this function and blessed by the response that was given to us when we expresses a desire to start an organization like it here in Oregon. I had prayed all week that the Lord would allow us to sit at the right table with the right people and be able to get the info that we needed. Guess, what!?!? We were placed at the table with the president of their Board of Directors!!! We are excited to start pursuing the next steps to start this type of organization here at home! Please keep us in your prayers!

2010-04-30T16:57:00.000-07:00

Found the website for an amazing organization today. Christian Alliance For Orphans connects different churches and organizations who are participating in orphan care and adoption ministries. As I have researched adoption and the different organizations supporting it, I have been amazed at how many organizations are out there helping these children, here and abroad. I have been saddened by the lack of church involvement though.... There are so many wonderful Christian organizations providing services and support for adoptions and the welfare of the orphans, but we seriously need to get churches involved! Christian Alliance For Orphans is striving to to just that.
www.christian-alliance-for-orphans.org

2010-04-01T11:01:00.000-07:00

Got fingerprinted today!!! Kinda weird going to the PD to get fingerprinted :P Getting more excited the more steps we take. Still praying that God will provide the funds.
Now we just have to send in our background checks:) and wait...

2010-03-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

Just the two of us right now..... who know how long that will be:) Just sent in our adoption paperwork today!